The Pain Of Love
by tragictcxrs
Summary: Bella Swan realizes that shes unhappy with her body and tries to make herself skinnier for Edward Cullen , the new boy at school but is he worth it ?


**A/N ; all of these charactersare originally Stephanie Meyer's i have just changed them up**

 **DISCLAIMER ; trigger warning as this is based on a person who sufferes from anorexia and other disorders so if you aren't comfotable with that then byebye hun.**

 _Everything was a dark grey colour,The sky , The people around me and their clothing.T atmosphere was depressing and the surrounding place was filled with sobs. I could so easily recognise , parents , best friends , family and him. I pushed my way through the people trying to get to him.I needed to find out why he was crying , to assure him it was okay but nobody noticed me. I got to him and held his hand `` Edward ,whats wrong? `` i questioned him but he didn't reply. ``Edward ? `` i asked him again , more worried than before.I followed his eyes , panicked to a point that i couldn't front of my family and I there was a coffin been lowered into a dug out grave,right in front of a head stone that read_

 _In Loving Memory Of BELLA SWAN_

 _1996-2013_

 _GREATLY MISSED BY ALL FAMILY AND FRIENDS_

 _R . I . P_

 _I dropped to the ground , unable to breath. Just as the coffin was placed in i heard `` i love you `` leave his lips._

My eyes fluttered open quickly. My throat was parched and my forehead and every other surface of my skin was matted in sweat. _It was just a dream , Bella , just a dream._ I sat up and wiped away the sweat. _He wouldn't cry if you died_. A voice in my head told me , _Have you in looked in the mirror lately , you are obese and ugly. Why would he ever want you?._ The voice questioned. `` You're right , i'm not near enough pretty for him `` I replied back, sighing and getting out of the bed. My fairy lights where on providing enough light to check my clock . _5am_. I had no hope of getting back to sleep , I lazily walked to my wardobe, pulling out a jogging pants and a loose t-shirt. I stripped and put on my jogging outfit. I had to start somewhere the pounds weren't going to disappear by themselves. I quietly walked down the stairs , making sure that Charlie was gone before i left the house. He had already left to my relief. I didn't feel like breakfast ,I was already grossed out with myself and eating wasn't going to make me feel more confident about my weight. I left before i had second thoughts about food. I didn't have a clue where i was going but as long as it was long and i feel achey after it.

I came home sweaty and aching but most of all _starving._ I limped to the refridgerator ,opening the door, The smell of last nights lasagne wafted out. _Don't you dare isabella swan .. Edward._ Right. Edward .I turned away and went slowly up the stairs into the washroom. I stripped out of my sweaty clothes and stepped into the already warm water. I quickly shampood my have , massaging the strawberry scented creme into my hair followed by the conditioner. I stepped out and quickly wrapped my cleansed body in a towel along with my hair ,rushing into my bedroom i locked the door and stood in front of the full length mirror. I examined my body , circling my flawa. The paleness of my skin , my invisible collar bone , my breasts that were most likely big because of fat and then my stomach that wasn't flat or toned. My hands then felt my barely visible hip bones and suddenly being a size 8 made me feel obese , was i ever a size 4? My thighs looked so big ,making my stomach churn. _Ew Ew Ew,_ the new weird voice in my head said making the sickness worse. My eyes teared up. Since when did I become so self conscious? I quickly threw on a loose jenas ,not wanting any skinny jeans to cup my large thighs and the loosest tee I had before running downstairs to get my bag and grab a cereal bar. I ran out the door and jumped into my truck , the engine purring to life as i turned the key. Today was going to be like hell with how self conscious I was.

 **I apologize for how bad this is but I promise I'll improve - clarissa jane**


End file.
